No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
