well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize