She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
