I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I party with great urgency now.
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