the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
