things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
