My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
