Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
