Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
