Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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