I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
