I think I am morally bankrupt
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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