Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
