garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Is Oprah even human
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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