Pappa wants mamma naked
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
