FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Randomize
