Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
