and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize