Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
