my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
