Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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