I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Randomize
