so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize