Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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