i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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