OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize