I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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