so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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