omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
BRING THE BAGELS
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
