moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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