hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Did I show you my penis last night?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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