puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
