he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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