This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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