Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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