she looked like the before picture.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
