first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
