My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
