Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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