I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Randomize
