Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
