i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
my being single is dangerous.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
