I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
