between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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