Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I had to cum in my sink.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
