he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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