I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
