And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
