Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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