Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
