found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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