I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
