I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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