I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just want nice things and good sex
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
