FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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