Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
