pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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