the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
