I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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