I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
