So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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