I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize