Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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