We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
