i don't like sucking hair
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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