Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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