i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
