you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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