do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
